Thursday, July 5, 2012

How to Love Your Body Part 3

(Missed Part 1 and Part 2? Read 'em!)

Okay, for some reason, I had a really hard time coming up with what to write about for Part 3. There is at least one post every week that I have a writer's block. 

Then I thought that today would be a good day to get into some of my personal experiences. I don't like to elaborate much on them with the blog, mainly because there are a lot of much deeper personal issues.

So, this is me being honest. I'm a work in progress. There are days when I feel completely weak and like I just can't move on. But I mean, this is completely normal, right? Everyone has a day when they just feel like poop. 

I think we're all a work in progress, all the time. Situations change. We meet new people. Relationships are tested, and relationships and bonds are formed. I don't believe that God holds any standards for us. Sure, he has expectations - to live for him. Simple, yet sometimes so difficult. That's what our life on Earth is about - learning and growing closer to God in the process, no matter what your situation is. 

Me, I had everything I've talked about the past couple of days - bad body image, low self esteem, society's influences, my own perfectionism and ideas, etc etc. Satan just had a tight grip on me. Someone once told me that Satan is very, very patient. He lets things build and build and build. My beliefs built so much that my world just collapsed with guilt, anger, depression, and anxiety. I hated myself. 

Words cannot really explain the crippling effect that thoughts like this have on everyone. I was hurting myself, and my relationships. 

I was at rock bottom. In a hospital, all by myself, 12 hours away from my family. There really were no emotions that I felt, except abandonment and hopelessness. I was physically exhausted and emotionally dead. 

I was in that hospital, meeting new gals and creating new kinds of relationships (hey Kristen!). I did the work. 

But the real work wasn't until I got home. It has been a major, major roller coaster. Like the Goliath, only 100 miles long with loops and turns and super giant hills where sometimes your butt flies off the seat a little bit and you feel scared and unsafe. 

It hasn't been until fairly recently that I've had a massive turn around. Like, a couple of months actually. Somehow I pulled myself together - being scared of food and hating your body sucks!!! I will admit, the work sucks too, but a year ago I would have never.....ever....imagined that I could brag on my accomplishments today. 

I'm a work in progress. But I have hunger and fullness cues. I eat. I love food. It's freaking delicious. I'm social. I hang out with my best friends. My weight is actually doing really well for the first time since I was in residential treatment. I have physical.activity. (<--I was slamming on the keys for the one!!). I like my body better than when I was underweight! Wheeeee!!!!!

My major points for the day:
  • Work and emotions suck. Rewards rock.
  • ^^Work and emotions are like tiny little bugs on the windshield of life compared to the rewards
  • God, people, and coping skills help. Period.
  • I'm probably one of the strongest people I've ever known. ;) Just and FYI.
Yup, there is a Part 4!

What are some accomplishments that you are most proud of?

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