Weekly Workouts

Happy Friday!

So I thought that since I've been running cross country for a month, I'd give you guys a peek into what life and training is like. It's another picture-lacking post, so please try to bear with me as I figure out the time and ability to take pictures!

I have practice every single day, and generally run both Saturday and Sunday unless we don't have a race, or I skip my long run (which I normally don't do, because they're my favorite). It's pretty exhausting, I'll admit, but definitely worth it. I think I'm finally getting my mojo.

Here's how my week looked training/fitness-wise leading up to a race:

Monday (Labor Day): We obviously weren't at school, so the team met at a park with a gravel path for our workout at 8am. Which is so much better than waking up at 5:30. Perspective.

We did our usual lunge matrix (a combo of front, side, 45-degree turn, and back lunges on both legs), and then proceeded to complete a 6-mile progression run. These are my favorite types of workouts because it means I can run for a while and set my own paces while pushing myself. Plus, it was cool and rainy (not drizzly - like seriously raining), and we were soaked by the end. It was nice to go home for the rest of the day, though!

Tuesday: Oh Lord. Guys, this was one of the most physically and mentally draining practices I've done so far!

Two words: hill repeats. OH WAIT, two more words: 86 degrees.

There are trails behind the middle school (which is right across from the high school) that we do our hill workouts on. I do not look forward to hill workouts - they are a struggle for me. Basically it's a rolling terrain with two big hills that you have to push yourself up, and it's really draining energy-wise for me. But it's to get stronger so I just make myself.

Anyways, two sets of four. Short, to the point. 8 repeats and 30 minutes in total. Yeah, there were "omg I might pass out or throw up or cry" moments frequently throughout. But what's done is done - we rounded it off with about 20 minutes in the weight room of arms and legs workouts.

Wednesday: To keep from getting wordy, I'll be a little more brief on this one: Wednesdays are our long sprint/track workouts, and our first morning practice of the week - we start our warm-up at 6:15am. I'm really straining to remember what we did. It's early. 

Oh wait! It literally just came to me - after our warm up, we started off with a mile tempo run (time was 8:36, which is slower for me), then did 20 minutes of alternating hard running and slow jogging for a minute each, and then ended with another mile tempo (time was 8:30 flat! Can't seem to get out of the 8 minute range). Zen off to zee locker rooms. I was really exhausted all day, probably from Tuesday's workout.

Thursday: Finally our easy day! We went on a mile warm up, because our coach was trying to trick us into thinking we were doing a hard workout. We ended up just going for a 30 minute easy run, then came back and did 4 strides (another favorite of mine), and then an ab workout (what do you know, another favorite! Makes up for hill repeats). By this point my makeup is normally running into my eyes and buuurrrnniiinngg.

Friday: Morning practice numero dos. Fridays are always easy, and this Friday was especially easy because the race was 24 hours later. We did a mile warm up, then 6x200 (with a 200 cool down) and then a mile cool down run. We finished up super early! More time to get ready, yo.

So there you have it! Saturdays are race days, and Sundays are long runs for 60-70 minutes at an easy peasy pace. Muy bien.

I've got some more posts up my sleeve, including my race recap that will hopefully be up tomorrow, and my WIAW poooooosssttt. Yay-uh.

Happy weekend, darlings!

Labor Day Lazies...

Bonjour, mes fleurs!

So I knoooww I left you with a pretty heavy post yesterday, but hey, I really really felt the need to be honest.

But fear not, I had a great Labor Day weekend and I hope ya'll did too!

Saturday, the varsity guys and gals headed out for a race (one of the perks of being on JV....not competing in all the races), so I planned a long run in replacement. I woke up at 7:30 and headed out....

An hour and 6 miles later, I arrived home happy happy happy. It was really nice out, I ran without music, so it was just me, nature, and my thoughts. Long runs are mi favorita!

Raahhh why does my hair never stay semi-flat like this at practice?!

Upon return, I toasted myself a bagel and topped it with a shmear of almond butter, a drizzle of honey, w/ a banana and teacup of magically delicious coffee. Do you see the smile??

I had a few appointments to knock out (nutritionist and hair), and munched on this baby Clif bar plus some trailmix mid-morning. I think the baby bars are so cute!

Mom had some errands to run while Reibs and I got our hair done. It took two hooouuurrsss, but my bangs are no longer a shag and my hair isn't tri-colored anymore! Whippee!

Mommy brought Chic-fil-e that I had along with snow peas and carrots. :) I'm always prepared!

Annndd when I got home I did...nothing. Actually, I knocked out like 5 episodes of Under the Dome because I've been way behind because of my busy craziness. 

Sunday I had to wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed around 7 because Reibs and I were helping volunteer at my church. 

Overnight oats in a sunbutter jar yayayayayay!

Sorry for the gross iPod pictures. Even an iPhone would be better than an iPod (touch).

And the rest of the day pretty much proceeded like Saturday. I got through another two episodes of Under the Dome, and man is it getting suspenseful! I actually cried a little bit in the end of one! It reminds me so much of Lost because of the mystery/suspense of the plot line, and when it seems like one question is explained, another is raised. Jessica like.

Monday I had morning practice, which we did in the pouring rain. It was a progression run, meaning we start at an easy pace, and cut 30 seconds off our pace for each mile. The last mile should be race pace, and we did this for a total of 6 miles, including a last cool down mile. I think the rain made it more enjoyable, honestly. Unlike the impending hill workout I know we have tomorrow.....

Anywho, I refueled with another bagel and banana. Recycle photo, for the win!

The rest of the day was homework filled, mostly A&P worksheets that I didn't finish in class. 

Oh oh oh! And I made my friend cupcakes for her birthday. Homemade frosting, yuuuumm. 

Adios amigos! 

So I've been doing some thinking.

Oh guys. This is is gonna be one of those posts where...you know, it's just hard for me to type up.

It's one of those posts where I know what I want to say, but don't really know how to put it into words, and one of those posts where I get really raw and am not sure if I want to share my thoughts with the world or not.

(Just to let you know, there hasn't been some tragedy or sad event that's happened in my personal life, in case you were wondering. This is more within myself.)

But I've been doing some thinking. Namely, recovery thinking. You all know my history and struggles and what not, but have I really been honest with myself lately?

People, I joined the cross country team. I run and I love it and it makes me happy and did I mention I love it. That's perfectly fine!

I eat super duper healthy. I love healthy food and it makes me happy and I did I mention I love it. And that's perfectly fine! (Nut butter lovers, holla!)

BUT fsjdipgjpdifjasklfmsdp[gw]kp.

Let's get to the point. I am so incredibly happy and blessed in the season of my life. But guys, here comes the doozy that hurts my pride and self esteem to admit: I am not 100% recovered.

With the blog, I mention time and time again that I am not fully recovered, but even in those phrases or rants that I go on, I show you all my heart through rose-colored glasses. I talk myself through my frustrations (one of the benefits of a blog) and act like I'm working so hard and everything is just going to be super duper because heck yes, I'm kicking Ed's butt!

But here's the sad truth that I've been slowly realizing after appointments with my therapist, nutritionist, and even just knowing within myself - I've been in a really comfortable, complacent place in my recovery for way too long. I'm at a healthy weight, I have the a-okay to run as much as I please, and those two things pretty much ruled what I thought was true recovery. I'm also off of blind weights (huge accomplishment, guys), I always always make sure to fuel well before and after running, and I'm okay with desserts. But since I've reached these goals, it's not all that matters in true recovery. And it sucks to realize that.

I've actually maintained about 90% of my healthy weight for over a year. I should be 100% or more (because 100% is the 'average' weight for my age/height). I thought this was okay.

I still have amenhorrea (NO BUENO). I've been telling myself that I'll get my period back eventually, but if you're not at healthy weight, it won't. And I want kids in my (far far off) future. I thought waiting would be okay.

Omg while we're still chugging along on the honesty train I'm just going to admit it: I worry about calories if I feel I've gone too high, and while I'm not scared of a healthy weight per say, I'm just scared of spiraling out of control. I thought being at a "comfortable" weight was okay.

This is not okay.

I actually discovered and read these two posts from Amanda's blog, which is what compelled me to even write this at all. They so perfectly describe the situation I'm in that I felt like I was literally breaking my own heart reading them. I just....hurt. My heart, my head, my pride, everything I that I felt I had been working towards. I felt like my accomplishments were not accomplishments at all.

When I think about this, I feel like a failure.

I think what hurts the most is I literally don't know how to get myself out of this place, because  95% percent of the time, I feel great! I love my whole grains and healthy foods, and I love running, and I have other interests outside of those things as well. Making healthy choices and exercise is a part of life, but I have trouble figuring out how to fit in that last 5%, and what it really even is/means for me.

I think about Kath, Robyn, Amanda, and Miranda and think, "What the heck is different about me than them?!" (Okay, comparing isn't exactly the healthiest mindset, but I'm trying to prove a point.)

So anyways. I'm in kind of a tough position with myself right now. I've got some thinking and praying to do - because I'm tired of living comfortably if I'm not living to my full potential. There's just one more step.

I can do this.

Dangnabbit it feels like such a long time since I've posted!! Almost 3 weeks now!

I can't even begin to explain how crazy busy I've been since this month. Where to begin?!

First off: I know I've mentioned it a few times, and I had been going back and forth about it, but let's discuss cross country. So....I jumped the gun and joined!

And my gosh - it was one of the best personal decisions I've made in a long time. It took SO FREAKIN LONG for me to decide what to do - I felt like I had so many things going against me, so many doubts and insecurities that just ate at me. But I finally got out there, and I knew I was hooked. We've already had a race, I'm meeting new friends who love what I love, and a hobby is quickly turning into a passion!

We do so many different types of things that I'd never do at home, and I'd never have motivation for running by myself. Being with a team adds motivation to push myself and make and set goals. Most practices are hard - some are really super duper hard (for example, a lovely workout with the charming name "Killer Dillers") - but they're the highlight of my days, hands down.

I end my gushing about the team with a quote from Janae: "Running makes us better at life." I believe it.

That being said, cross country is the main reason for my blogging hiatus. I feel like a lot of my favorite bloggers are either taking a break/changing the format/something's changing and me no likey (I still luv them tho).

I don't want to cause that distress for the people who read my blog (there are like so many of you!!), but I have been pretty much physically/mentally drained for the past few weeks. It's not in a detrimental way, just as in I literally have no time. So here's my proposition.

I have to juggle school, studying/homework, practice, church, and any other things in between (such as babysitting/an event) and I now need to add blogging to that balance. Blogging takes up a lot of time, guys! Most nights I get home around 6 or 6:15 which leaves me a mere 4 hours before I need to get in bed so I'm not a mean person zombie bum the next day.

I'm reeeeaaaaaaalllllyyy going to make an attempt to have the blog somewhere on my weekly priority list. I'm still figuring things out, and I'm sure if I blog every day (not happening, yo), you'd get tired of me chatting about the gross awesome stuff from Nursing Essentials or A&P, or the fact that I fell asleep in Algebra once again...good times. I'm gonna be keeping up with my fitness/lifestyle/food/whatever theme, I'm just not entirely sure how to execute it.

Anyywwaayys in true fashion I've begun babbling. Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe I should just go with the flow. Whatever happens, I'm not going to stress about it and keep reading and writing.

I have a long run and a long day tomorrow - wish me luck!

Still here, yo.

Hey, hey. Just popping in again to let you all know I'm still here!

I haven't forgotten the blog, in fact I think about it quite often, I just still haven't been able to find that time to fit in some actually interesting,constructive blog posts.

With cross country practice, school, homework, and studying all taking up my time, it's really hard to prioritize what I do in my small frame of down time. Sometimes I'd just rather lay horizontally on the couch with my eyes glued to the TV (and perhaps goldfish in hand?).

Plus, I am seriously lacking in pictures and just general topics to write about. However, I have a few posts up my sleeve so you're just going to have to bear with me on these sporadic posts! I'm figuring it out. :)


Have a terrriiifffiiicc Tuesday!

To practice, or not to practice....

Hai guyz!

So this was totally expected, but my bad for the blogging break for the past few days! It's actually been more like a week! I even had all of my WIAW pics doctored up, but time just slipped away.

As you all know, this was my first week of school, so I thought I'd just give a quick run down of what's been going on and hopefully this weekend I'll provide you with a more organized/constructive bloggy post. :)

The first day of school, honestly, was rough. I never do well with major changes, and I don't have very many of my friends in my classes (and the classes that I do, I'm sitting far away from them - dumb assigned seating!). I had kind of a social anxiety, and I didn't deal with it well which led to some catastrophizing of my "situation"....I'm a drama queen....

Anyhoo, as the days went on, of course they got better. I've made some new friends, stayed awake in algebra (for the most part), then suddenly I found myself at the end of the week! Past juniors weren't kidding when they said that 11th grade is the most difficult academically - I'm loaded with weekend homework/studying and my classes are getting more intense and fast paced, most noticeably in Healthcare and AP US History. Fun stuff!

In other news, I went to my first cross country practice this morning! I've already missed the first 4, along with the summer conditioning, so - yeah, I'm a bit behind. I had decided over the summer that I wasn't going to join and just go at my own pace - but it just wasn't working for me. I ran at least 2 to 3 times a week over the summer, but it got boring running the same route all by myself, and I wasn't really challenged.

I have a lot of self-confidence issues, so upon the start of the school year, I just sort of gave up on the team (keep in mind that I have dreamt of joining since like 7th grade), but my AP World History teacher (sophomore year), who also happens to be a coach, has been bugging encouraging me to come out and run with them.

I kept refusing and refusing, but also like...obsessing about it. It was one of those things that I knew in my heart I wanted soooo badly, and I knew it would be hard work and not easy and I know that I have a lot of work to do to get better, but I want it anyways. So after declining an invitation to practice for the 2039584395874385th time, I was given a long pep talk.

It proved effective, and at 5:45 this morning, I jumped up out of bed and was at the school's track by 6:15.

Today was time trials and I honestly had no idea what was going on - I was just sort of out there and planned on doing what everyone else was. We ran a 5k around the school and track (technically a little less), and I came in with a time around 25 minutes. I was one of the last girls to finish, and I felt fantastic.

Everyone was really encouraging and just sooo nice. I'm not really officially "part of the team" per say, I'm just going out there to experience it, and hopefully I'll be on the team? It's a weird situation that I can't really explain over the blog, so just know that I'm with them, and I'm running. I have yet to experience actual practice, which is a little intimidating, but I have to keep telling myself not to be self-conscious, have confidence, and to perform to the best of my ability.

The thing is, is there's no freaking way I'm doing 20 regular push-ups on the first day. My sprints will not be legit sprints. Pushing past 4 miles is probably going to feel like h-e-double hockey sticks.

I'm not going to be the best, within the best, and I probably never will be the best. But I'm going to be the best I know I can be, and that's how it should be. I've never really pushed myself, but I know from past experiences that I have willpower and dedication.

Let's be honest, I'm freaked out. Freaked out, but pumped.

Pancakes make everything better

Morrrrning! This week has been quite the whirlwind. The start-of-school jitters are starting to set in, and I'm sort of frantically preparing (and convincing) myself for school Monday. Although my life has sort of come to this....

Uhhhh, it's normal to plan like this, correct?

Not surprisingly, one of the main concerns popping up frequently for me is...when am I going to run?! We'll have to experiment with times!

In preparation for school, we've been running all kinds of errands the past couple of days. We started off by taking a trip to Target on Wednesday (my wonderland!) for school supplies.

Binders, notebooks, paper, pens, pencils...all that jazz. I also got a planner, calculator, and new pencil case! No new book bag or lunch box, though. My ones from last year are still in good condition!

I had a little money, so I got some new shirts, a cardigan, and a new purse. You can't start school without new clothes, right? ;)

Yesterday, I woke up and had some of my first Kodiak Cakes, that I found at Target! They were great, and I love that you only add water, and I especially love the ingredient list/nutrient facts.

Meow!

We went to Jonathan's 5th grade (!!) open house at 1, where he met his new teacher. It was so weird walking those halls, because I have so many memories of 5th grade!!!! And all of my teachers have now moved on to different grade levels, so J didn't have a chance to get any of them.  

Then I finally got my hair cut!! I told the lady I just wanted a trim, but apparently my ends were awful (which I already knew), and she cut off a good inch and a half.

Before (straightened, obviously):

They really were bad....

After:

Uuuhhhh not the best picture of me....but my hair is way healthier. And shorter.

My school fiinnaallyy posted my schedule - this year I'm taking Honors Spanish 4, Nursing Essentials (Healthcare Science 3), Honors Am. Lit, Algebra, Honors Human Anatomy and Physiology, and AP US World History. 

I have to admit...I'm having some anxiety about the schedule. I'm really excited about all my classes, but I also get a little disappointed in myself (ex. only taking one AP class), and I'm worried because I don't have a lot of my friends in my classes.

Honestly, most of my friends aren't taking Spanish 4, taking more than one AP class, and definitely taking a higher level of math. But the truth is, I love Spanish, I'm no good in math, and I love history and would rather make one 5 than a couple 3s and a 4 (I made a 5 on my AP World History exam, by the way). I have lunch with my best friend (thank goodness), but not with Rebekah, and that's super hard. I'm trying to keep positive and hoping that I'll have friends from my "group" in my classes, but also that I'll be able to come out of my shell and make new friends. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm just trying to pray instead of worry, considering last year was one of the best school years for me.

Hanging out with friends always makes me feel better, and Friday Rebekah, my friend, and I all hung out at the mall. We stayed for almost 3 and a half hours, which is a record for me, and visited all of our favorite stores!

We enjoyed that hats a little too much...clearly. ;)

We were pooped by the time we got home, so I nixed the workout I was planning (stationary bike or run) - mainly because my feet and legs were sore! Something about the mall wears you out.

Pancakes + friends + coffee = everything is better. Hopefully this will last through to school!