Friday, August 9, 2013

To practice, or not to practice....

Hai guyz!

So this was totally expected, but my bad for the blogging break for the past few days! It's actually been more like a week! I even had all of my WIAW pics doctored up, but time just slipped away.

As you all know, this was my first week of school, so I thought I'd just give a quick run down of what's been going on and hopefully this weekend I'll provide you with a more organized/constructive bloggy post. :)

The first day of school, honestly, was rough. I never do well with major changes, and I don't have very many of my friends in my classes (and the classes that I do, I'm sitting far away from them - dumb assigned seating!). I had kind of a social anxiety, and I didn't deal with it well which led to some catastrophizing of my "situation"....I'm a drama queen....

Anyhoo, as the days went on, of course they got better. I've made some new friends, stayed awake in algebra (for the most part), then suddenly I found myself at the end of the week! Past juniors weren't kidding when they said that 11th grade is the most difficult academically - I'm loaded with weekend homework/studying and my classes are getting more intense and fast paced, most noticeably in Healthcare and AP US History. Fun stuff!

In other news, I went to my first cross country practice this morning! I've already missed the first 4, along with the summer conditioning, so - yeah, I'm a bit behind. I had decided over the summer that I wasn't going to join and just go at my own pace - but it just wasn't working for me. I ran at least 2 to 3 times a week over the summer, but it got boring running the same route all by myself, and I wasn't really challenged.

I have a lot of self-confidence issues, so upon the start of the school year, I just sort of gave up on the team (keep in mind that I have dreamt of joining since like 7th grade), but my AP World History teacher (sophomore year), who also happens to be a coach, has been bugging encouraging me to come out and run with them.

I kept refusing and refusing, but also like...obsessing about it. It was one of those things that I knew in my heart I wanted soooo badly, and I knew it would be hard work and not easy and I know that I have a lot of work to do to get better, but I want it anyways. So after declining an invitation to practice for the 2039584395874385th time, I was given a long pep talk.

It proved effective, and at 5:45 this morning, I jumped up out of bed and was at the school's track by 6:15.

Today was time trials and I honestly had no idea what was going on - I was just sort of out there and planned on doing what everyone else was. We ran a 5k around the school and track (technically a little less), and I came in with a time around 25 minutes. I was one of the last girls to finish, and I felt fantastic.

Everyone was really encouraging and just sooo nice. I'm not really officially "part of the team" per say, I'm just going out there to experience it, and hopefully I'll be on the team? It's a weird situation that I can't really explain over the blog, so just know that I'm with them, and I'm running. I have yet to experience actual practice, which is a little intimidating, but I have to keep telling myself not to be self-conscious, have confidence, and to perform to the best of my ability.

The thing is, is there's no freaking way I'm doing 20 regular push-ups on the first day. My sprints will not be legit sprints. Pushing past 4 miles is probably going to feel like h-e-double hockey sticks.

I'm not going to be the best, within the best, and I probably never will be the best. But I'm going to be the best I know I can be, and that's how it should be. I've never really pushed myself, but I know from past experiences that I have willpower and dedication.

Let's be honest, I'm freaked out. Freaked out, but pumped.

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