I am NOT my past

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Taking this summer (and basically all last year) to truly make myself and my health a priority, a lot of my thoughts have had to revolve around some things that I thought I tucked away a long time ago.

Sometimes, I don't like the "HLB" world. I get to where I don't care about fitness tips, I don't want to know about the latest diet trend/experiment, I don't want an "vegan, all-naturally sweetened without a bunch of disgusting chemical crap" recipe, I don't want to see a "journey" with weight and food and how it has affected their lives and they must be reminded every day of their commitment and strength...I just want to see people live out of their past. I want to read about how they went to this awesome summer concert and how they wore a flowy summer dress and didn't wear makeup and how they got a waffle cone afterwards and sat around and laughed with their family and had a beautiful time. I want to see who they are.

That being said, I think a lot about my own past, my own blog, my own story, and my own experiences.

I am sharing my testimony this month at my youth group. It's an intimidating thought, to be honest. There are a lot of deep, dark places in my story that are hard to articulate and I don't like getting into. I didn't have "disordered eating," I had an eating disorder. And I was quite a "severe" case at that. Even now, with the progression I've made, sometimes I feel ashamed of what took place in my past. Even though I frequently mention my journey on the blog, sometimes I am very wary. Everyone has a story, but sometimes I just feel that mine is too dark to tell. And sometimes I feel like I still reflect that.

What a ridiculous notion, am I right? I in no way, shape, or form reflect my past in my day-to-day life. (I'm not talking about the every-once-in-a-while thought, I'm talking about the true grit of my ED.) I feel that Satan places these doubts, fears, and shame in our hearts, when really, we should use these stories to glorify the work of God. And no matter how Satan, the world, and myself tries to tell me otherwise, I am not my past. My past was not me. I am not my past eating disorder, I am me.

I AM:

A friendly, silly, nice person who likes to make friends. 

A hard worker, who likes to work as I would work for the Lord. 

A person who gets tan by being outside all day and taking walks, rather than laying by the pool. 

Someone who cherishes nature and God's creations. 

Someone who loves to sing loudly to any and every song, even if I skip verses or am off-tune. 

Loud (like, overly loud...), weird, and adventure loving

Sensitive, caring, and artistic.

A person who loves to be active but also can't function without naps or "quiet time."

Strong, compassionate, and strong-willed.

Not a born leader, but a loyal and faithful follower (which is just as important).

Someone who is confident in my "au natural" face....I hate makeup and love my freckles.

A book worm, and definite dork and nerd. 

Someone who loves food and loves to eat. 

A cat lover all the way. 

Extremely close to my family and friends. 

A music lover, especially classical and indie groups.

A daughter, a sister, a cousin, a granddaughter, a friend.

A daughter of The Lord and confident in Him as my rock.

I will tell you which of these reflect my past experiences. None. Not a single one. Because I am not my past, and my past does not reflect who I am, or even who I was. And because of that, I can soar without any doubts in my mind, and I can move forward as me.

Cuz I'm pretty freakin' awesome. 

Oy Vey

Heeeelllloooo!

I have returned. YOU ALL MISSED ME RIGHT?! (Editor's Note: I wrote this up on Sunday, and didn't get it up until today....soooo.....yeah. Mah b.)

So I am sitting here on my bed, it's 3:51 in the afternoon and I still haven't gotten out of my pjs, washed my face, or even attempted to go outside. Or do anything physical. At all. Besides to get up and go to the kitchen. To eat food. Yeah.

As you all probably know, I have been working two part-time jobs for the past month and my schedule has been crrazzyy. Any "me time" has been spent outside, sleeping, eating, or watching The Office (I'm on Season 5, holla). I've basically been working 2 shifts, adding up to 10+ hours of work, almost 5 days a week. I know, I'm so cool. So much for a summer bucket list!

Anywho, yesterday, I was feelin' it. I worked 2 shifts that day (the first was my last shift for that particular job), and closed for the other place, and didn't get home until midnight after I had worked 25+ hours that week for my second job. So yeah, I was pretty much a grumpus to anyone who crossed my path (minus customers, of course....I love you Rebekah!) and I would like to thank my family for still being sarcastic and annoyed with me when I was being that way with them.

Yeeaahhh still feeling it....I don't handle energy deprivation well. 

Now that that craziness is officially over and school is officially starting in two weeks (goodfdsgseigjsdg) I decided that today would mark the day that I do NOTHING!!!!!!! And it has been fantabulous. But I really need a shower.

Otay before you all think I'm a deranged, sleep-deprived, unsanitary hobo, (aka drama queen) I will just get to the fun stuff that's been going on behind the scenes for the past couple of weeks. Also, I clearly need to get back into school judging how much I've already written without adding any pictures.

What have I been up to? I have been....

Hiking.....

{School} working......

Senior picturing.....

Burrito-ing.....

Caffeinating.....

Walking.....

Cuddling.....

Smoothie-ing.....

Munching (on the best freaking trail mix ever to exist).........

And, of course, working.

I need a cupcake. I need a cupcake now. 

Peace out yo. 

I'm still here!

G'day mates!

Just popping in to let ya'll know that I'm still here and floating around the blog world. I've been working two jobs for the past two weeks, which has resulted in my lack of posting/having something to post about. You don't reeealllyy want to hear about scooping ice cream, mopping the floor, and assembling yogurt machines, do you? Unless you do...then I can arrange that.

Anywho, any of my little free time has been either spent outdoors in the sunshine or laying horizontally on the couch watching too many episodes of The Office at a time. Or sleeping.

Soooo I will be back soon, and forgive me if my posting is spotty this week! I doubt I'll have time for another post til next week, so until then, my loves.

Have a terrific Tuesday!!

College Visit #1

Hello muffins! How is your Wednesday going? Or should I say....

Hump DAAAAYYY??!??!

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Remember when everyone was obsessed with that commercial? I still am. I love camels. 

Yeah.

So likkeee I'm getting antsy. Really antsy. Yeesh. I have two jobs (oh lawd), work two shifts some days, go out with friends (ha ha), go to church, etc. and yet I'm still antsy. (In fact, as you read this, I'm working either my first or second job).

You see, I'm the really nerdy obnoxious kid who loves school. And I. Can't. Wait. For. School. To. Start.

It's a problem. JUST ENJOY SUMMER JESSICA, JUST ENJOY IT. 

Sppeaking of school, this past couple of days, we visited one of the top colleges on my list! The University of West Georgia. I'll admit, I was stupidly excited to go visit so I could at least get out of the area I live in for more than a couple hours. 

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I woke up and forgot to take a picture of my breakfast cuz I'm a doofus sometimes. Meep. I had oatmeal, so you weren't missing anything spectacular. OhwhoamIkiddingoatmealisfantabulous.

We hopped in the car around 4, and I got stuck in the back {middle} seat....per usual....

#siblingprobs

Also, I'm obsessed with my new shirt. It has SUPERHEROES all over it I mean come on. Purchased at Kohls.

On the road weeeee......

....played Catchphrase, aka the best game ever. You get a word on the screen, and it's pretty much charades, but using words instead of movements. So. Fun.

El snackage!

Hotel arrival selfie!

Looking for somewhere to eat selfie....

We ended up eating at Chic-fil-a, and I think I'm done there for a long while. It's got pretty good options for a fast-food chain, and I love their grilled chicken wraps. Obviously, I was halfway done before I remembered to snap a pic. 

We crashed on the beds and watched the next Masterchef episode...

And treated ourselves to Ice Dreams!! These are seriously the best things ever, and I haven't had one in years. I devoured the whole thing. They kind of taste like soft, frozen, vanilla whipped cream to me...

Reibs will not appreciate this picture...haha.

The info session began at 9, but we wanted to be there early, so we woke up around 7 to get ready and eat breakfast. I had oatmeal, le duh. The hotel had really nice options!

This breakfast kept me full for a good 3 hours, and was quite tasty!

The tour began at 10 (after the info session). I'll spare you the details, but show some pics I got of the campus! Which is beautiful, by the way.

They have a HUGE rock climbing wall, and a really, really nice fitness center.

 The campus was probably the best part. It's sooo beautiful, and because it's a fairly small campus, everything is within walking distance of each other. No chance of getting lost!

Dorms!

I'll admit that my pics of the campus just does not do it justice. When/if I go back to visit, I'll be sure to make more time to get better views!

Random people pictures....

I didn't mention yet that my grandparents came with us. I love them and I think they had a good time walking around!

After the tour, we ate at a Mexican restaurant called "The Lazy Donkey." My Mom used to eat there when she was in college (yep, she is a UWG alumnus)....you may laugh at the name. I did. 

Two generations of beauty!

I got the chicken fajitas with corn tortillas that were just okay. It's the nostalgia that was the best part. Anndd you guys, the picture below is a half order. And I ate half of the half order. Haha!

Some last family pics.....

I am also highly amused by this Snapchat my sis put on her story...and we do not hate her! I guess she felt left out. ;) Drama queen indeed.

So, my review of the college? Pretty much nothing negative to say, honestly! From what I can tell, here are my pros:

Campus life:

-Far enough for independence/dorm living, close enough to go home for the weekend

-Brand new renovations in the dorms

-Beautiful, nicely-sized campus

-Lots of trails around

-Good food court and dining room options

-Reasonable price range

-Target/Publix/Kroger nearby (mwahaha)

Academics:

-Brand-spanking-new nursing building with state of the art technology. The second floor is a replica of a hospital wing!

-All pre-req class building are in the same "square"

-A very nice library with 3 floors, computers, and study rooms

-All buildings within walking distance

-Achievable admissions requirements

-Scholarships available

We didn't get a chance to get an "in-depth" look at everything, but hopefully we will be going back in a few months for a better look, especially at the nursing program/building. Whoop whoop!

Weekend Stuuuuuufffff

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

The title of this post is "Weekend Stu{uuuuufff}ff," but technically, a lot of stuff didn't happen on the actual weekend but work. So pretend with me that Thursday was the beginning of my weekend, k?

Also, the dateless summer days are starting to take their toll on my brain...for instance, I thought today was Friday. I sat down and literally started typing up a "Five Things Friday" post for you all - wouldn't that have been fun?

I'm lucid, I promise.

Anywho, when I work weekends, it makes my "What day of the week is it?" confusion even greater. So basically I can write about the "weekend" when it wasn't even the weekend at all.

That being said, earlier this week, the weather was freaking AMAZING.

The humidity was practically non-existent (a miracle of nature around these parts), so I tried to be outside as much as possible. Note the impending thunderstorms on the weather forecast above....

My friend and I spent the afternoon together at the pool, which was quite glorious. We just relaxed and basked in the sun and read and chit-chatted.

Also, a walk after I got home. I just couldn't resist!!!

The next morning, I had work again. Right before I left, I drank myself a Mango Green Smoothie. Not gonna lie, I felt totally hipster drinking it from a Starbucks cup. :)

Pretty much all last week, I was working. I worked every. single. day. Luckily a couple of my shifts were less than 3 hours long, so that made it a bit more bearable. And I like people/talking/cleaning soooo it wasn't that big of a deal.

On Thursday, I got a little bit of a break to babysit two amazing little boys!!!!!

The weather was still glorious, so I walked down to their house (they live down the street).

I need to start waking up earlier so I can walk around 9 - the temperature is wonderful at that time in the morning.

Because it was so nice out, I wanted to get the boys playing outside before it heated up. They were both wide awake (and hyper), so they were happy to get outside! I love kids.

My plan was to go outside, throw the football/play volleyball/walk around the street/etc, and of course the boy were okay with that.....for all of 5 seconds. They wanted to ride bikes.

How can you say no to that face??!!

This was my first bike ride of the summer  in a couple of years. No joke.

Um, trying to keep up with two energetic little boys riding on their bikes is no easy task. Quite frankly, I was humbled by how out of shape I felt. Only walking for 3 months will do that to ya...but I still enjoyed it and being out their with them! I just "let" them win all of the races...hehe

They were also obsessed with riding in the mud and grass.

Also, we found a little boxer puppy!!! The older boy was really attached to it, and insisted we try to find his owner. So we walked around the neighborhood, but with no luck. I sure hope the owners found him!!

This is probably my favorite picture...ever...

Now for randomness! After I was done with the boys, I took a stroll around the neighborhood in the still amazing weather. The sun was out, and I didn't even break a sweat! It was awesome.

So greeenn.

I'm having an obsession with these....omg. Target, you win. Always.

They literally taste like caramel corn. Sooooo addictive. Not exactly "health" food (the first two ingredients are sugar and butter...hehe), but so worth it, and totally part of a balanced diet. 

The next couple of days were all work. On both Saturday and Sunday, I worked two shifts - so the only (few) pics I have are of fooodd.

Dudes, this salad was so good. I picked it up from Target, packed my own whole wheat pita, got some dressing from work (the dressing in the salad is poppyseed, which I didn't want) and had a Cherry Coke Zero to treat myself.

Sunday's breakfast was French Toast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD. Why don't I have it more often?! I topped the toast with apple slices, cinnamon, peanut butter, honey, and some chia seed sprinkles. French Vanilla coffee on the side, so yummy.

And the last pic I can find, this granola bar I grabbed before leaving for work. I had a shift from 10-3:30, so I knew I would need a snack to get me through...and I was still famished by the time I ate a really late lunch.

Then I took a power nap (an hour-ish), went to work again at 7, and didn't get home til 11 last night...but of course, I had to watch an episode of The Office (my newest show, now that I've finished all the other on Netflix) before my night was complete. Oh yeah, and some dark chocolate. That makes my night complete.

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SoOoOoOoOoO that's about it, darlings! I have some fun shtuff planned for the next couple of days (visiting colleges - whoop whoop!) and I am excited to hit the road for a couple of days! 

Have a wonderful Monday, friends!!!