Sunday, December 22, 2013

Finding Confidence

Hey, hey friends. How's your Sunday going so far?

The fam opted to stay home from church today because - wait for it - it's raining. Shocker! And not just a light rainfall, there's flash flood warnings and our backyard looks like a marsh/swamp. I'm keeping those on the roads in my prayers and super thankful for the church volunteers who stepped it up this week!!!!

As you may have noticed, there's been a whole lotta running talk on the blog lately. It's even kind of disorganized, like I don't know how to put my thoughts together on running, if I should post about it day-by-day, or do a weekly round-up of it. One post I'm gushing about how amazing my run was, the next I'm bummed because it was more difficult than usual. The truth is, I think I have lost my running confidence.

As I've mentioned a lot, the end of cross country was a really difficult transition for me. Running 30+ miles a week was getting tiring after 3 months, but I couldn't imagine not running. I was totally exhausted, and felt like quite the failure because of that. Silly, right?

Anyways. Now that I've been getting back into it, I've noticed I never feel totally confident on a run. Most of it is because I've been left to my own accords on when/how long to run, and also getting to a healthier weight for my body. I get very anxious about how to balance running and gaining weight. I haven't been given a clear-cut plan on either, and that's normally what I need to function - it's just the way I am.

But then I started thinking. I started getting like this when I wanted to join cross country. It's almost the exact same - I know I love running, I know I have factors that may work against me, but I also know that if I have the confidence, I can overcome those factors. And so I joined cross country.

Also, not every run is fantastic. If I have a slower or more difficult run, that doesn't mean I should stop/I'm injured/I'm doing something wrong. It just means I didn't have the greatest run. And if I know that I'm fueling properly, there's no need to be anxious!

I know I keep flip-flopping about my "plan." I even did a post on it a couple of weeks back, thinking it was the perfect plan. But as those couple of weeks passed, I realized that even that was too....I don't wanna say flexible, but maybe it was too flexible. The way I think, I just need more structure than that.

So tomorrow, I finally begin the winter training program. It starts with a 15 minute run on Monday, and then works its way up. All are easy runs (except Thursdays - tempo runs!!!!), and it seems like it will really suit my fancy.

As for my eating - it may sound odd for some people - but I think eating a lot  more (uuhh and I mean a lot) more will actually boost my confidence. Just because I know I'll be doing good for my body, running or not. I know I'll feel much better - it's just such a scary leap, guys. Sooo I have a structured plan for that as well - I'm not one for calories, but I have consulted with my nutritionist for a minimum calorie count per day, just until I figure out what I think my body needs. Obviously these calories will be coming from real, whole foods as much as possible. It does not include pre/post-workout snacks or any other craving or hunger that I have. It's still mostly intuitive, I just felt that I needed at least a minimum to start out with. That I started today. :)

Don't worry, I'm not going to be obsessively counting calories - I'm not really going to be counting at all, just adding extra here and there to something I know will add up to what I need.

I'm really hoping I will find my running confidence again through this. Actually, just my confidence in general.
God has never led me wrong before - and even though I'm the one who "came up" with this plan, I'm pretty sure that God had fabricated it looonnngg before I figured it out. I'm keeping my faith in Him that this is best for my health - mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Thank you guys for bearing with me as I'm trying to figure things out. Life is a journey, and this is just a part of my journey that's shaping me.


  1. I'm so glad you're in a better place with food. That's wonderful. I'm feeling similar to you about losing my running confidence. It's a lot harder to run in the winter and I have been struggling with feeling slow and tired on runs. I'm just trying to enjoy the runs and know that I'll be in better shape for track season. Are you running track? (:

    1. Thank you!! I really have a feeling that a change in my diet will help with the runs, and I do definitely have to try and enjoy the runs while I'm on them. They are only runs, after all, nothing worth stressing over! I'm kind of prone to anxiety so any sort of difficulty freaks me out!
      Noooo I'm not running track. Which is why having a running plan will be good for me! :) I'm sure that you'll have an awesome time in track, so enjoy the leisure runs while you can!! :)

  2. God plans everything for us in the long run. I think you were meant to go through this; you'll be so much stronger in the end!~

    1. Thank you so much! That encouragement means a lot to me. I also believe I was meant to go through this - life always has ups and downs, and I really believe that this was meant to be an up! :)

  3. This is amazing, Jess. I am so happy to hear that you are taking the reins on this journey and doing what's best for your body. I'm on a very similar journey— focusing on nourishing my body and listening to its needs in terms of rest vs. exercise. Praying for you and Merry Christmas!!! :)

    1. Thank you so much, Alison. I appreciate it! It's nice to know that someone understands something similar to you - learning to listen to your body can be a difficult challenge sometimes! But it's worth it! Thank you, and I hope you had an amaazzinng Christmas!!