Finding Confidence

Hey, hey friends. How's your Sunday going so far?

The fam opted to stay home from church today because - wait for it - it's raining. Shocker! And not just a light rainfall, there's flash flood warnings and our backyard looks like a marsh/swamp. I'm keeping those on the roads in my prayers and super thankful for the church volunteers who stepped it up this week!!!!

As you may have noticed, there's been a whole lotta running talk on the blog lately. It's even kind of disorganized, like I don't know how to put my thoughts together on running, if I should post about it day-by-day, or do a weekly round-up of it. One post I'm gushing about how amazing my run was, the next I'm bummed because it was more difficult than usual. The truth is, I think I have lost my running confidence.

As I've mentioned a lot, the end of cross country was a really difficult transition for me. Running 30+ miles a week was getting tiring after 3 months, but I couldn't imagine not running. I was totally exhausted, and felt like quite the failure because of that. Silly, right?

Anyways. Now that I've been getting back into it, I've noticed I never feel totally confident on a run. Most of it is because I've been left to my own accords on when/how long to run, and also getting to a healthier weight for my body. I get very anxious about how to balance running and gaining weight. I haven't been given a clear-cut plan on either, and that's normally what I need to function - it's just the way I am.

But then I started thinking. I started getting like this when I wanted to join cross country. It's almost the exact same - I know I love running, I know I have factors that may work against me, but I also know that if I have the confidence, I can overcome those factors. And so I joined cross country.

Also, not every run is fantastic. If I have a slower or more difficult run, that doesn't mean I should stop/I'm injured/I'm doing something wrong. It just means I didn't have the greatest run. And if I know that I'm fueling properly, there's no need to be anxious!

I know I keep flip-flopping about my "plan." I even did a post on it a couple of weeks back, thinking it was the perfect plan. But as those couple of weeks passed, I realized that even that was too....I don't wanna say flexible, but maybe it was too flexible. The way I think, I just need more structure than that.

So tomorrow, I finally begin the winter training program. It starts with a 15 minute run on Monday, and then works its way up. All are easy runs (except Thursdays - tempo runs!!!!), and it seems like it will really suit my fancy.

As for my eating - it may sound odd for some people - but I think eating a lot  more (uuhh and I mean a lot) more will actually boost my confidence. Just because I know I'll be doing good for my body, running or not. I know I'll feel much better - it's just such a scary leap, guys. Sooo I have a structured plan for that as well - I'm not one for calories, but I have consulted with my nutritionist for a minimum calorie count per day, just until I figure out what I think my body needs. Obviously these calories will be coming from real, whole foods as much as possible. It does not include pre/post-workout snacks or any other craving or hunger that I have. It's still mostly intuitive, I just felt that I needed at least a minimum to start out with. That I started today. :)

Don't worry, I'm not going to be obsessively counting calories - I'm not really going to be counting at all, just adding extra here and there to something I know will add up to what I need.

I'm really hoping I will find my running confidence again through this. Actually, just my confidence in general.
God has never led me wrong before - and even though I'm the one who "came up" with this plan, I'm pretty sure that God had fabricated it looonnngg before I figured it out. I'm keeping my faith in Him that this is best for my health - mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Thank you guys for bearing with me as I'm trying to figure things out. Life is a journey, and this is just a part of my journey that's shaping me.