Friday, March 1, 2013

NEDA Week: Physical Freedom

*Caution: This has some Ed/exercise related discussions. Read at your own discretion.*
Hello loves! I am indeed still here.
And making crazy faces, apparently. One of many.
Just to let ya'll know, it doesn't really matter if I go three hours or three months without posting - I'm not going to stop blogging. It's on my mind often, life just happens.
I love you all too much. ;)
So as some of you may know, this week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. It's been a mix of emotions for me, and many others too.
NEDA Week means donning the purple! <3
It rolled around and hit me all of a sudden - this month has been go go go. (Birthdays! Projects! Babysitting!) NEDA Week has reminded me to take a step back and reflect on all that I've been working for the past two years.
I know that I tend to frequently gush and rant about recovery and freedom from Ed, but I feel that there is seriously no way I can express how worth it it is. Think about it: has your life ever spun a 180? It's pretty freakin awesome!
In honor of NEDA Week, I thought I'd give you a few updates considering I've posted recipes and WIAW the past couple of times.
Friends, I am flying higher than I ever have.
First: I pretty much have free reign over any physical activity of my choosing. Yuh huh, you read correctly! *Happy dance.*
Can I just say? Long. Time. Comin'. Months and months of being sedentary followed by months and months of monitored light exercise followed by months and months of short, light exercise on my time, and now I have finally achieved this goal.
Whoop whoop.
Peeps, this is not saying I'm going to be training for a marathon or joining a swim team or taking up judo. I love my walks and Just Dance and hiking but this girl's gotta have some variety.
 So what do I think finally helped me achieve this goal?
Well, many (many many many....many) things/epiphanies/enlightenments/whatever you'd like to call them. One obviously important factor is the fact of my relationship with food.
I know how to listen to my hunger and fullness cues, satisfy cravings, replenish myself accurately, treat myself, yada yada.
Another is my relationship with exercise (thanks, Captain Obvious!).
Friends, I've stressed a hundredandtwentyfivegazillion times that I love. to. move. And talk, but mostly move. In full-fledged Ed days, this was not a factor of my well-being or enjoyment.
Something that naturally releases endorphins and energizes left me feeling worse and lethargic.
*Note: I was never categorized an "over-exerciser" (as in, 3 hours a day on the treadmill), but for my weight range? Yeeeaaahhh too much.*
These two problematic situations have kind of instilled this fear in myself and family members of anything strenuous. I stick to walks (whoop whoop), stationary bike, yoga, and weights.
Truth be told, running is my first exercise love. I loved it before Ed, I've loved, ahem, the concept of it ever since leaving outpatient, and I love it now.
CONFESSION: I actually got permission to jog months ago, but have been too afraid to post about it, discuss it with family, or attempt it. I have frequent discussions with God about why I feel I'm in such a dilemma. Just eat adequately, take a run, eat adequately, and that's it!
Easier said than done, my friends. Easier said than done. This to me shows the scary side of recovery: Ed and Satan are shown who's boss. It's more anxiety-producing, fearful, and stressful than you'd expect - letting go of Ed in another way.
However, I refuse to let my anxieties and fears overshadow my successes and triumphs. What does the Lord say? "Be anxious about nothing, instead pray about everything." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." "For I know the plans I have for you."
I think that NEDA Week is a perfect opportunity to reflect on these verses. What are you not putting into God's hands? How much do you lean on Him, and only Him, for strength? What do you feel HE has in store for you?

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