(By the way: I wrote this Saturday, and it ended up not posting! Technical difficulties. Pretend it's Saturday again. :))
Last night, I came up with the grand idea that I would be going on my "medium long run" for the week this morning. Five miles before breakfast, count me in. I had also set up the crockpot for overnight oats that are
superb - rolled oats in the crockpot are just as fluffy and delicious as steel-cut!
Then I woke up. Both of my alarms were off (the one for 2am to turn the oats on, and the other for 8 to get me up for my run). What?!! I must have subconsciously turned them off.
I got out of bed (it was 9), went to the kitchen, and there sat my mise en place for crockpot oats, untouched. I could also still feel the exhaustion in my body, but was starving. There goes my morning run and my creamy dreamy crockpot oats.
This doesn't seem like a big deal, like
at all, but I stood there and cried. I was upset over my missed run and lack of oats.
But I made a different breakfast (stovetop oats as opposed to crockpot), that was beautiful, nourishing, and delicious.
I lounged around in the quiet, and then motivated myself for a fantastic 5-mile run. I was relaxed, I had no pain in my knee or feet, and I loved every minute of it.
Peeps, I've been an absolute
ball of stress lately. I try not to let that come through on my blog, but sometimes I can't really help it. The blog is one of my outlets, so naturally it reflects a lot of what's going on.
I've had a lot of stress in my personal life, and within myself. I've had a few not-so-nice things said to me. I've had a lot of doubt and anxiety. Everyone goes through phases where life just feels...well, it feels hard!
As I stood there, tearing up about a bowl of freakin' oats, I decided that enough was enough. I have been playing the comparison game too much lately. Who cares what I eat. Who cares how I exercise. Who cares what my body looks like. Who cares if I don't have all my crap together all the time. I am not perfect. Totally okay.
I am not a morning exerciser. I would rather have my morning "me time" with a bowl of oats and cup of coffee than out on the pavement.
Totally okay.
High running mileage is not for me right now. I feel so much better with a variety of workouts, and max out around 5 miles on a run.
Totally okay.
I don't blog every day. I
can't blog every day. 2 or 3 times a week is what's most natural for me - I don't want blogging to be a chore, I want it to be my creative outlet. So if I blog only once a week, either not much is going on, or
everything is going on.
Totally okay.
I eat in a healthy, nourishing way. I get looks, and (sometimes, dare I say it),
judgmental comments and looks when I, for example, order a salad/opt for a sweet potato over a white potato/pack my lunch. It hurts sometimes, but I like salad.
Totally okay.
I, even at a healthy weight, am more slender than curvy. My body shape favors my father's side of the family, I am not terribly muscular, and I do not have a very womanly body shape. Yeah, I have hips and thighs and boobs, but they are not, ahem, voluptuous (and yes, this makes me insecure sometimes). This is my genetics.
Totally okay.
I have awful skin. It does not matter HOW MANY healthy fats I eat/dairy I avoid/creams I use, my skin just sucks at the moment. Around my nose/mouth might be dry and flaky, while my forehead/the corner of my nose has acne. I'm a teenager. I have hormones.
Totally okay.
#nofilter
I don't get noticed by boys much. Yeah, I said it. Sometimes I am just not happy wondering why all my friends have boyfriends. Prom season is here, and I'm planning on staying at home with ice cream in hand and watching a movie with my sis. I'm only 17. I have time.
Totally okay.
I am freakishly stressed about my future. I am going to be in college full-time next year, but still enrolled in high school (joint enrollment), and I have a while before I choose my career. But I stress about what career I want God to lead me into, if I'll make the right decisions, if I'll ever be able to travel like I want to. I am future- and goal-oriented.
Totally okay.
The truth is, my heart is so full. My heart is filled with love from my family, friends, and my church. Attempting to be perfect just brings you down - what's the point? What's the point of comparing yourself to other people, who are completely different than you?
I am far from perfect. And I'm
totally okay with that.