Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Coffee Brain

Hey peeps. Long time no post, eh?

Considering it's been 2+ months since I've even logged into Blogger (woah goodness...), I've had a lot of time to think about the blog.

I really don't like giving up, giving in, throwing in the towel, whatever you want to call it, soooo - yes, the blog has been on my mind.

But first, allow me to explain my absence - I place most of the blame on the lovely mandatory 7 hour a day 5 days a week brain developing, social "necessity" of school.

I lack time, ya'll. School is a full-time job. By the time I get my homework done, chores done, and extra things in between, all I want do to is r-e-l-a-x. Oh, oh, annnnddd I have an AP class, mind you.

So there. My excuse. I think it's legit.

(I've barely even had time for LOST. Say wha?!?! Madness, I tell you. Madness.)

I know for a fact that I want to get back into the blogging groove, because I honestly love it, but I just need to figure out a schedule that fits in with my life. I'm thinking it's going to be best if I stick to once or twice a week for right now.

I know, I know, my life is so extremely exciting that it's going to be hard to condense it into one or two posts, but hey, flexibility is a valuable life skill. ;)

So then comes the question that has been lurking in my mind since beginning this blog - what is the purpose? Is this a recovery blog? Is it a journal? Am I just writing for the heck of it?

The question of "purpose" comes up in all areas of my life, which I'm sure many of you can relate to. I feel as if I'm at the age and place in my life where everything feels so uncertain to me - that I'm always looking for some sort of stability; some sort of constant that I know for a fact will never ever change.

Disordered eating and/or emotions is what I have turned to for the majority of the last few years. It was something that I, and only I could control. Unfortunately for me, and for those close to me, it was certainly false control. Throwing my life in the toilet is certainly not the purpose of my creation - nor anyone's for that matter. I am certain that I don't want disordered thoughts. And I am positively, undoubtedly certain that Christ is the only one who can strengthen me enough to trek through these last steps.

And you all, of course.

I think that there are many reasons for keeping a blog. I've mentioned the fact that it's a creative and positive outlet for me, which is completely true.

I also feel that that I have an obligation to share my story. I'm an incredibly open person, but breaking out of my shell and comfort zone is not exactly my forte.

However, I know that God has placed something inside me that is not timid or shy or full of inhibitions. He has placed in all of us, not a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

As a 15 year old, it's sometimes hard for me to feel as if I can make a difference in people's lives. This is such a weird age!! Gosh. (Drive but can't drive?! Go to the mall alone but can't hike alone?! Allowance but no job?! GAH! #lifeprobs)

Anywhoo, I suppose that's another purpose of this blog - I want to change people. I want to influence people in the way that they know there's more to life than depression, anxiety, stress, and eating issues. And I feel that age should by no means be a barrier for this influence.

I want to show those who read my blog, that, through all the lemons that life pegs you in the eye with, you can make some pretty freaking delicious lemonade. Just sayin'.

That being said, I don't claim to be the Jedi-master of life (whoa-ho-hoooooo far from it), but, I admit, I sometimes see ya'll as my little Padawans.

Oh oh oh (coffee brain!) and another reason I like blogging is because I like sharing my life. What can I say? It's fun. I like sharing who I am, and I try not to write a one-sided blog - that is, where you only see one aspect of my life. I like having my personality come out, sharing my hobbies and interests, embarrassing sharing the people I love, inspiring people, and being inspired by people.

Yeah, I'm quirky, dorky, nerdy, and loud - I know. I don't understand a lick of sarcasm, and I am a master of trivia. I love the Lord and I love to have fun. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love the fact that I am here today to share my life with the people that read my blog.

So peeps, amigos, home-dogs, companions, bros, ya'll - thanks for reading. Thanks for letting me share my life with you. I'll be back more often.

In the meantime, Lost beseeches my attention........

Have a woooooonnndeeerrffuuullll Wednesday!